


Not a Lucky Rebound Skank (Or how to deal with the whole Allia thing)

by AlabasterMoonbeam



Series: Plus Size Sara Ryder [5]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Kissing, SAM is ridiculous, SAM likes being "helpful", Sara is growing as a person, Sara wants a sex toy, Smut, So is Jaal, minimal angst, plus size
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 21:57:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10840257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlabasterMoonbeam/pseuds/AlabasterMoonbeam
Summary: I always found it odd that, in the same short conversation, Sara could ask Jaal if he had a partner, find out about Allia and his brother, and then be all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Wanna flirt more? Especially since Jaal talks to Drack about how heartbroken he is/was over her.  So I wanted to have Sara confront the issue (since she is learning how to communicate), but also to have her be sorta worried that she won't be enough for Jaal.  So I did it :) It's right here.





	Not a Lucky Rebound Skank (Or how to deal with the whole Allia thing)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BD99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BD99/gifts).



> Thank you for your patience! I am really enjoying this! You all rock! Like a ton! Thank you!
> 
> Gifted to BD99 because I hope you are still enjoying it!
> 
> Poem is "I Approach and I Withdraw" by Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz, a kickass poetess from late 1600's Mexico.

Kissing Sara was like diving into deep water; when they separated, Jaal drew in a shaking breath. One kiss wasn’t enough, wasn’t anything like enough;. He might never have enough of this woman in his arms. Angling his head down he kissed her, his firm lips pressed insistently to hers; his teeth grasping at her lower lip. As Sara gasped, a needy sound escaping her lips, Jaal slipped his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss further. Sara’s fingers caressed the flaps on his head before curling around the collar of his rofjinn. For his part, Jaal’s hands had started on Sara’s full hips, resting there, before his arms encircled her, drawing her closer to him. Sara’s curves gave way to the firmness of his body, allowing him to sink into her, even her hair yielded to his touch. Breaking the kiss, they separated. Still, Jaal felt too far from her, he wanted his hands on her. He wanted to memorize every curve and every dip, every dimple, mark, and blemish. Reaching out, his hand hooked her hips and Sara let out a small, breathy gasp. As Jaal brought her close to kiss her again, to run his hands over her body, to help her divest herself from the new armor, she placed her hands on his chest and pushed away.

Sara knew she needed to stop this before it got out of hand. She didn’t want to, but she needed to make plans for their next mission, which planet to go to, what to do there, find out if they could set up an outpost. Besides, there were monoliths to unscramble and Remnant to kill. That was what she told Jaal. All of those reasons were true, but there were a few other reasons why she didn’t want to mess around too much with him just yet. Reasons he didn’t need to know.

Blinking in confusion, Jaal looked at Sara. Her eyebrows were drawn, but her cheeks had delicate roses blooming in them and her lips were swollen from his kisses. He couldn’t help but be proud of that as the corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. Watching Sara breathe deeply in, Jaal knew that she wasn’t giving him all the reasons she was stopping them. Brushing a bit of her hair out of her eyes, he showed her a few more of the features for the armor, pockets, biotics, and similar before kissing her chastely on the forehead and heading to the techlab. He wanted to dance or sing or simply laugh, but settled for emailing his True Mother.

Sara changed into her regular clothes, settled some paperwork, played with the pyjak, and finally worked up the courage to face the crew. As it happened, no one really said anything. Even Peebee wasn’t as obnoxious as usual, leading Sara to ask Vetra what she said to the asari. “Nothing much,” Vetra replied, “Just told her we would dump her on the Nexus and never tell her about rem-tech again if she teased. That shut her up.” And so, the day passed. She and Liam worked out a couple of ideas for outpost sites, she ran over purchase orders with Vetra, Peebee evaded all questions about anything, and then Sara visited Lexi.  
“Lexi…” Sara began, not 100% sure where the sentence was going, “I have some questions… about Jaal.” There, that was nice and awkward.  
“If it is about what I think it is,” Lexi looked at Sara, “I only have so much data, but I will send it all to your email. I’m better versed than most, but if we head to Aya you could ask the medics there for further information. In fact, I would appreciate it. We have had Jaal on the team for far too long to not have a deeper understanding of angara anatomy and physiology. If he were injured in a way that we were unable to understand and he was unable to explain, it could be terribly dangerous.”  
“As always, you know what I am about to ask without my ever asking!” Sara sighed, relieved that she didn’t have to actually ask whether humans and angara could be compatible intimately or not. She asked Kallo to plot a course to Aya and began to read.

On Aya, Sara made haste for the medical center, gathering several large tomes worth of information for Lexi. She didn’t ask any questions of the doctors there, but did head to see the Moshae. It was slightly less awkward to ask her about male angara sexuality and...equipment. Moshae Sjefa was open and helpful, explaining how arousal was evident (above the belt: flushing a bright color-in Jaal’s case likely fuschia; below the belt: a half sheathing when not aroused, which Sara likened to a dog, much to the Moshae’s confusion, and a complete exposure and hardness when aroused), as well as what climaxing was like for both male and female angara. According to Moshae Sjefa, while men had something like sperm, it was more viscous than the human equivalent, and it was not only the product of climax but acted as lubricant as well as fertilization. Climax for both men and women came in the form of an electrical shock, much like a static discharge. As with humans, the peak could be reached partnered or alone, but unlike humans, male angara were not “spent” for as long, making them, as the Moshae said without irony, energetic lovers.  
Sara left Moshae Sjefa with even more data for both herself and Lexi. Stopping at the cafe for a drink, Sara heard Jaal conversing with Drack, asking about rites of passage. Interested, Sara listened to Drack explain how he became a part of the Nakmor clan before Jaal remarked on his own rite. He had fallen in love when he was a young man. Sara knew that Jaal had been in love before, but what Jaal said about his heart being broken was new. She paid for her drink and left the cafe. Heading to the ship, she called the crew back. It was time to deal with Elaaden, time to work with Drack to improve relations with the krogan. And, most importantly, it was time to not be surrounded by angara.

Sara seemed a bit distant to Jaal. Still interested, but perhaps quieter or simply distracted. He came by her room that evening to see her, kiss her, but she wasn’t there. He checked around, finally finding her in Vetra’s room. About to announce his presence, he heard Sara speak.  
“I dunno Vetra, maybe I was being too naive. He told Drack his heart had been broken. I didn’t travel 600 years away just to end up some alien’s lucky rebound skank. I don’t want casual with Jaal and I shouldn’t fuck around with my crew.” Sara sighed unhappily.  
“Is that what you want, really?” Vetra asked the question as though she knew the answer already.  
“No,” Sara’s voice was low, “No. She isn’t there anymore. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t still in love with her. It doesn’t mean he won’t always be in love with her.”  
Allia. He had mentioned that he hadn’t had a partner, not for a long time, to Sara. He’d told how he met her on Aya and lost her to his older brother. He’d even explained that they had both been taken by the kett.  
“Vetra,” Sara’s voice broke into Jaal’s thoughts, “I can’t compete with that.”  
“Who says you have to?” Vetra sounded so sure of herself.  
“If I have to be more than a woman who is of the right species, who is immortalized in his heart and mind as ‘the one that got away’, I’ll never live up to it. Besides, there are plenty of angara women on Aya who want to snatch Jaal up. He wouldn’t be lonely for long, if at all…” Sara’s voice was getting closer to the cargo bay. Jaal dipped behind some crates, out of view, and heard Sara’s parting remarks to Vetra, “Maybe I should just go back to flirting with Reyes. At least he can be casual only.”

After speaking with Vetra, Sara didn’t feel better, exactly, but did feel less overwhelmed. She didn’t know what she wanted to do with Jaal. Her heart wanted him. So did her body, but she wasn’t going to make decisions based on that. Hell, her brain wanted him, too, but she really didn’t want to get hurt. She had enough standards she was unsuccessfully living up to as Pathfinder already. She didn’t need to be compared to a long-dead girlfriend. That was another comparison she would always fall short in. Kallo alerted her that they were approaching Elaaden, but, telling him to orbit for the night, Sara went to her room and to bed.

Waking the next morning, Jaal went to the rosters to see who he and Sara would be heading to Elaaden with, only to see that Vetra and Drack were on the list, not him. Sara was changing into her armor, discussing plans for their approach and integration with the krogan with Drack when Jaal came up to her. Drack turned away, chuckling to himself as Sara turned to Jaal, her face a carefully blank mask.  
“Why am I not accompanying you?” Jaal bit the words out, worried he would be too sharp.  
“It’s hot there. I remember how much you don’t like the heat,” she replied, not quite meeting his eyes, “Besides, I need Drack to help with the krogan colony. And it seemed like a good idea.” Sara finished, finally looking up at him. His eyes greedily looking over her, wanting to grab her and take her back to her quarters so he could stare at her, devour her, worship at her altar and be worshiped in return.  
He was about to answer when Vetra called her over, leaving Jaal with Drack. “Find out what happened, please.” He asked his teammate.  
“I don’t need to do any digging. She overheard you say you were heartbroken over that girl from your youth.” Drack struck at the heart of the matter. “You want to make things better, you gotta prove to her you’re over that girl. And that you want to be with Sara. Not just some stand-in.”

Jaal watched as the trio departed, then headed to the techlab. There he found a note:  
Jaal, this is a poem by a human named Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz called I Approach, and I Withdraw. She was alive over 500 Earth years ago, but to me, her poetry is still beautiful and accurate. Yours, S.  
Jaal’s eyes scanned the page, bits of poetry sticking out to him as he read:

I approach, and I withdraw:  
who but I could find  
absence in the eyes,  
presence in what's far?  
…   
So caring is my love  
that my present distress  
minds hard-heartedness less  
than the thought of its loss.

Leaving, I lose more  
than what is merely mine:  
…   
To live unobserved  
by your eyes, I now go  
where never pain of mine  
need flatter your disdain. 

Jaal folded the small note, slipping it into a hidden pocket of his rofjinn. Sitting down, he thought about what this meant. Clearly Sara cared for him, even as she left him behind. Perhaps it would be wise to talk with her, once she came back.

Sara walked alongside Vetra and Drack, having barely made it into the krogan colony. Deciding what to do next was not as easy as she had hoped. If they reactivated the monoliths they might have a better bargaining chip with Morda, but that meant time not spent with the krogans themselves. Stopping just inside the climate-controlled walls, she turned to Drack and Vetra.  
“Well, what do we do now?” Sara asked them, wanting input.  
“You mean monoliths or Morda?” Vetra clarified. “Well, Drack, which is better with her? Come to see her now, or later?”  
“Hmm,” Drack grunted, “think you can get Jaal down here, kid? You three can work on the monoliths while I smooth things over with Morda. Make it easier for everyone.”  
“Sure, I can get someone. Remember, Jaal really doesn’t like the heat, so it might be Cora or Liam.” Sara sighed at the prospect of Cora being passively judgemental toward her or Liam actively hostile to Vetra.  
“Nah, kid, ask Jaal,” was all the response Drack gave.

Leaving Drack on Elaaden, Vetra gave a nod and said she could be ready whenever, while Sara went in search of Jaal. She found him in the techlab; uncharacteristically, he was not tinkering. He was sitting, the note in one hand, a dry leaf in the other. He was so absorbed in thought he didn’t look up at the hiss of the door.  
“Jaal?” Sara stepped in the room, “I-”  
Jaal stood quickly, the hand holding the leaf clenching into a loose fist while the hand holding her note stayed open.  
“Sara, I didn’t see you there. When did you get back?” Jaal didn’t look at her, eyes bouncing around the room.  
“Just now, Jaal. Drack stayed on Elaaden to talk with Morda. I wanted to see if you would come back to Elaaden with Vetra and me?” Sara held her breath, hoping he would say yes.  
“Oh,” he didn’t say anything else.  
“Jaal, I-” Sara faltered. She knew she needed to say it, but it still sucked. “Um, I’m still interested in you, but… I need to say something.”  
Jaal looked at her, blinked, waited.  
“Jaal, you mentioned Allia to me before. I know you fell in love with her, and that she was more interested in your brother than you. I also know that talking about love is too soon. I just need to say this, though. Allia is gone, and…” Sara faltered in the honesty of what she had to say, “Jaal, I can’t live up to her. People compare me to my father all the time, even as I grow as a Pathfinder. My dad is dead. He will never make the mistakes I will, not because he is the better Pathfinder, but because he has been immortalized. He will always be a better Pathfinder, because he is… infallible. I don’t get to choose that. It was handed to me. However, I won’t be compared to Allia.”  
Jaal gasped, opening his mouth to object.  
“No, Jaal. Please let me finish. I am not angara. I have a lot to learn about you and your culture and society. I want to learn about you and with you, but not as a stand-in for Allia. I’m not Allia, I’m just me. So, if you want to continue this,” Sara tried not to care if he said no, “continue it with me, Sara. Not as someone to replace your lost love.”

There. She had said everything she needed to. It wasn’t a pretty speech, and she would probably live to regret it, but it was done. She couldn’t help being compared to her father, but she didn’t have to be compared to Allia. Sara turned to go, to give him space and time, but Jaal had moved quickly to grasp her wrist. His hand encircled her wrist, reminiscent of when he’d caught her in the bathroom, hanging up her underarmour. Turning her gently, Jaal showed her his hands. He had kept her note clasped gently in one hand, dropping the leaf to grasp her with his other hand. Satisfied she wasn’t leaving, Jaal released her wrist, and picked up the leaf.  
“This leaf was from the farm where I met Allia. It was under my foot when she kissed me. I kept it. A strange momento, perhaps, but it was a nice reminder of the moment. After everything with Allia and then my brother, and then when they were taken, I wanted to remember the better memories I had. Of both of them.” Jaal closed his fist over the leaf again, this time crushing it completely. Jaal left the techlab, entered the biolab and put the crumbled leaf in one of Cora’s planters. “There. A momento that had served its purpose. Now it can serve another purpose. A better one.”  
Sara wasn’t sure what was happening. It was significant, and probably pretty obvious to anyone who wasn’t her, but she couldn’t name it. She tracked Jaal’s movements as he returned to the techlab and watched as he locked the door. When he pivoted back to her, his gaze was predatory, causing Sara to stumble a couple steps back, stopping as her rear met with the countertop.

Jaal stalked forward, eyes locked on Sara. Stopping an arm-and-a-half’s distance away, he slowly, deliberately scanned Sara’s body, relishing every curve and dip. Then he settled his gaze on Sara’s eyes. He wanted her to remember this moment. He needed her to understand what she had helped him to know. It was important.  
“You are not like Allia, Sara. You are not angara. You are an alien.” Jaal spoke matter-of-factly. “But,” he said finally moving forward to place a single finger over her mouth as she opened it to speak, “That is what is so intriguing and interesting about you. That is what drew me to you.” Finally closing the distance, Jaal lifted Sara up, pressing her against the counter before moving to press her against the now locked door.

His lips locked onto hers. Using his arms to balance her, he nudged her legs apart, using one as a seat for Sara to straddle, his hand tangling in her hair as he deepened the kiss. He could feel her hands scrabble for purchase on his head before she finally hooked her thumbs into his flaps, pressing and massaging, before she broke the kiss. Her lips went to the flaps, licking, sucking, delicately biting the sensitive erogenous zone. He shifted her, pressing his pelvis to her hip and in the process grinding her against his leg. He heard her make a delicious sound, keening and needy, prompting him to grind her against him again. His hands were roaming her back, lifting her, exploring.

Sara was lost to the kiss before it became more. Then his leg pressed to her groin and she ground down hard, desperate for more friction. Flames were igniting in her core as she licked and sucked at Jaal’s neck, licking her tongue against his pulse. His hands were all over her, large, covering vast amounts of her clothing, the friction from her desperate grinding causing her chest to rub against Jaal’s, pebbling her nipples. Sara’s hands were quickly working the fastenings on Jaal’s rofjinn, eager to see him once again, this time to taste and tease.

“Ryder,” SAM intoned on their private link, “Vetra is waiting, and you are supposed to be making Elaaden habitable.”  
Sighing, breaking herself away from her apparent desire and need. “Jaal, we need to go,” Sara looked at him, “That is if you’re coming along?” She winced at her almost entendre.  
“Of course, darling,” Jaal slipped the phrase in, then said, voice shaking with fear of rejection, “Sara. You are more than Allia ever was.”  
Jaal stopped, choking on the words. He picked up Sara’s note from where it had fallen when they began kissing and folded it carefully. Then, making eye contact with Sara, he deftly placed the note in the small pocket of his rofjinn. He unlocked the door, held his hand out to Sara, and walked hand in hand with her to the Nomad.

That night, as she lay in bed remembering the kiss (ok the very-nearly-more-than-just-kissing) Sara wondered at her own desire. Where had that come from? One minute they were kissing, albeit pretty passionately, then she had practically crawled up his leg and started to hump him. Not that he had been any better, pressing his leg to her, rubbing against her, his hands roaming. He had been purring, the memory of the deep rumble in his chest tightening her nipples again, as she began to feel her desire mounting.  
“SAM?”  
“Yes, Pathfinder?”  
“Do you know what a vibrator is?”  
“Yes.”  
“What are the chances I could find one on Kadara?” Sara was glad he couldn’t see her blushing.  
“Good, Ryder, but may I suggest an alternative?”  
“Sure?”  
“Jaal would be happy to construct one fo-”  
“SAM! No. Do not tell him I am thinking about this. In fact, I’m not even thinking about it anymore! Good night!” Sara turned over. But she was thinking about it.

Meanwhile, Jaal was adding to his list. Sexy. Alluring, desirous. And possibly best of all, she was Sara.


End file.
